Another 3 Day Holiday

It's Memorial Day weekend -- and President Obama has asked all American's to pay tribute to our soldiers.

Earlier this morning, (before my run), I did something that I haven't done in many years...I went to the cemetery to pay tribute and bring flowers to fallen arms.

Unlike some people, I don't go to the cemetery to "visit" my late husband and brothers on their birthday, holiday's, or other significant dates. I find the experience very depressing. Sure, I love my late husband, as well as my brothers, however, it's not my intent to depress myself.

When my late husband died, I found out without a doubt, that these things that we work so hard to keep in shape and take care of...are truly only a shell for our soul. I saw my late husband's shell shortly after he made the transition. Although he wasn't a man of tall stature (he was about 5'10"), when I viewed his body, it seemed as if I could have carried the shell in my arms like a baby. It was then, that I realized with certainty, that our souls fill us up...our bodies become almost deflated when our souls rise to heaven.

I have no remorse about not "tending the graves of the dead", because I know in my heart, that the only thing left of the people we love is the decaying flesh that encompassed their soul.

The truth is that from time to time, when I find myself at the cemetery, I will visit the place where the bodies of those I love are lain.... but the truth of the matter is, the connection I have with those I love remains with me each and every day.

What is there to remember on Memorial Day?

I'm one of a special club of (what I would consider) young widows. People who's spouse has died -- leaving them without a lifetime partner just after reaching the (still young) age of 30.

Imagine, marrying at 19 -- looking forward to "grow old in love with me, the best is yet to be" -- which is what I had engraved in my late husband's wedding ring.

How could it possibly be -- that I was left alone with three young boys to rear into young men. Sure, there are a lot of single parents who rear their children alone...but many chose that option. When I hear of single people making the decision to have babies without benefit of marriage --- it saddens me. If the parent to be is a teenager, or VERY MATURE, I feel bad for the child. In the case of teen parents -- many times, it's the new grandparents who are forced to change their life to care for their teen's child.

Grandparents these days are much different than those I remember. When I look back at my relationship with my grandparents...they were the "typical" (I guess Leave it to Beaver type) grandparents. Older (looking) people who wore conservative shoes, drank coffee, and were a bit fragile.

These days, the new breed of grandparents can be found at the club hanging out with people of all ages. Maybe my grandparents were 40 when I was born...but for some reason, I always thought they looked 65. If my memory serves me correctly, my grandparents were either retired or close to it when I was in elementary school.

Oooops -- once again, I digress. I began thinking of those to remember on Memorial Day...Today, I began to catch up on my much neglected magazine stack. One of the magazines had an article about death and "Deathday", which is a day to remember those who have predeceased us. That article reminded me of my late husband. Although I think of him regularly (his picture is on my desk at work), the only times I really conjur up memories are his birthday, our anniverary, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and the day he passed (as it was a few days before Easter).

I also think of him quite a bit when my children pass a milestone, High School and College Graduation, wedding ceremony, etc.

It's never easy to raise a child alone --- I would never choose to take that journey.

On another note, I would never, never, never, choose to have a child late in life. Children require physical and mental stamina. There is no way, I would elect to give birth in my 40's or beyond. Sure, I know that we (supposedly) are living longer lives...I guess if you have great physical stamina, you'll be able to deal with running behind a toddler, acting as a taxi service for adolescents, and dealing with the lives (and sometimes lies) of newly licensed drivers.

In a perfect world, parents would never know heartache from children...but our progeny can sometimes break our hearts or disappoint us in words that life partners and lovers never have access to.

What is there to remember on Memorial Day? Well... I guess the answer is - remember everything. Life is filled with peaks and valleys, ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and bad, heartache, heartbreak, and love.

A good friend of mine told me some years ago, either you're going through something, just finished going through something, or something is on the horizon...

So remember -- don't choose to forget, because we learn from our life (if we're smart).